People may not discuss it, but they certainly do it.
The "Sexual Revolution" is over 75 years old, and there is no such thing as a revolution that goes on that long. Sex has become a default setting in dating. It's expected. The "third date" rule has become a benchmark despite its absurdity.
So let's put a radical suggestion on the table: men can choose.
OK, when you are young and horny, that choice is not apparent. You're just looking to get laid. But as you get older, you notice how stupid older men look when they still act like the "blindly horny" younger version.
It means men get stuck. Their identity freezes and they can't thaw it out. And that can lead to some serious wrongdoing. Weinstein, Hefner, Epstein, Cosby and Bill Clinton all got stuck in that high school/college loop that getting laid is the only thing. At worst, this gives you a rich and powerful man who can get away with being a serial rapist, or at best a hound dog who can't kee his hands to himself.
It's easy to say yes if you love the woman. But when you are empowered to choose, you can refuse an easy lay with someone you don't even like, even though you are expected to say yes to any sex on offer. You're already experienced. You have nothing to prove. You can say no.
It’s kind of incredible to me how little people talk about sex, since it’s a universal force and so crucial to relationships. But that might also be because I come from the gay world, where gay men are incredibly open with both lovers and friends about what they like and don’t like.
People may not discuss it, but they certainly do it.
The "Sexual Revolution" is over 75 years old, and there is no such thing as a revolution that goes on that long. Sex has become a default setting in dating. It's expected. The "third date" rule has become a benchmark despite its absurdity.
So let's put a radical suggestion on the table: men can choose.
OK, when you are young and horny, that choice is not apparent. You're just looking to get laid. But as you get older, you notice how stupid older men look when they still act like the "blindly horny" younger version.
It means men get stuck. Their identity freezes and they can't thaw it out. And that can lead to some serious wrongdoing. Weinstein, Hefner, Epstein, Cosby and Bill Clinton all got stuck in that high school/college loop that getting laid is the only thing. At worst, this gives you a rich and powerful man who can get away with being a serial rapist, or at best a hound dog who can't kee his hands to himself.
It's easy to say yes if you love the woman. But when you are empowered to choose, you can refuse an easy lay with someone you don't even like, even though you are expected to say yes to any sex on offer. You're already experienced. You have nothing to prove. You can say no.
It’s kind of incredible to me how little people talk about sex, since it’s a universal force and so crucial to relationships. But that might also be because I come from the gay world, where gay men are incredibly open with both lovers and friends about what they like and don’t like.
I’ve noticed the same thing about the different ways gay and heterosexual couples/communities talk and don’t about sex.
I think the puritanical way heterosexual people see sex is a very big and complex obstacle.
Thanks Stephen for pointing this out.